Today is my second day in Florida and I've been having so much fun with my family. We went sight seeing and shopping, right now we're in th car and we're driving in the thunder and lightening, the lightening is really bright and the thunder in really loud but I wouldn't really want to be anywhere else right now well I better go now ttyl~ Dreamer

If I was independently wealthy I would probably live in Australia and the way I would spend my time would be helping the less fortunate and volunteering at Hospitals and Child Care Centers

TTFN,
Dreamer

I loved you Nick
Did you not love me?
Why would you leave?
Was I really that bad?
Whatever I did to hurt you
I’m sorry…
Can you please come back to me
I feel empty without you
You were the reason that I was singing
You were the voice I heard inside my head
I don’t hear your voice anymore
I can’t seem to sing anymore either
I want you back Nick
Please come home
I can’t live without you
I need you here
I can feel myself slipping away
I don’t know how much longer
I can live without you
Please
Please
Please
Come Back!

I don’t know what it is about you Nick
What is it about you that makes me melt?
Why are you so cute?
Why does your hair curl the way it does?
Why do your eyes fascinate me as much as they do?
I love you Nick
You are my brother
But you are also my lover
When I need comfort you are there to give it
When I need a shoulder to cry on you are always there
Will you leave?
Are you going to be here with me forever?
I want to tell you
That I love you
More than
A random fuck buddy
I want you to know that I love you
I love you for so much more than your body
I love you for you
I love you for all the little things you do
Never mind
That we’ve been
Fuck buddies for 2 years
Never mind
That we’ve been
Brothers for 17 years
Is that all you feel for me?
Is that what we are to you?
Fuck buddies for life
Why can’t we be more?
I want more
Do you?

He’s so close, but yet I can’t touch him
He’s in reach, but he has someone else
Why can’t he be mine
How come Kevin can have him but I can’t
Do you even know I’m alive Nick
Do you know what I feel for you
I hear the moans you make at night when you think everyone is asleep
I get off on hearing you scream Kevin’s name wishing it was mine that you were screaming
It’s not worth living knowing you’ll never be mine
So tonight as I cry
The salty tears pour down my cheeks
As I look through old photo albums of
You and Me
The tears stain the pictures lying on the pages
I hold the knife to my wrist
Hoping to stop the pain
The pain of you not loving me
As the blood falls from the cut on my wrist
I whisper the last words that I would ever say
“I will always love you Nick”

I listened to the preacher talk about Joe’s life; I can’t believe he’s gone. I ruined his life I practically killed him it was my fault that he was driving while upset. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I held my new boyfriend’s hand; I buried my head in his neck letting my tears soak into his skin as he wrapped his arms around me
“I messed up so much Mitchel,” I mumbled
“No you didn’t Nick, it was an accident, how were you to know that some guy was going to go the wrong way on the freeway?” Mitchel said giving me a kiss on the top of my head I pulled away from Mitchel’s neck and sniffled while wiping the tears from my eyes.
“It’ll be okay Nicky, things will be okay you’ll see” Mitchel said giving me hug and rubbing my back
“Thanks Mitch” I said giving him a kiss on the cheek
    When the funeral was over there was a reception but I wasn’t going, I didn’t want to I wanted to be alone. I walked aimlessly through our hometown to the park Joe used to take me to when I was a little kid. I sat down on one of the swings on the swing set, tears were pouring down my cheeks. I felt so alone so empty without Joe, I remember when I got the call

Flashback

I was sitting on the couch making out with my boyfriend Mitchel when my cell phone rang.
“Don’t answer it babe,” Mitchel said temporarily breaking the kiss
“it might be my mom” I said breaking the kiss and reaching over and grabbing my phone off the table, I saw that it was my mom
“Told  you” I said sending him a smile. I flipped open my phone and was greeted by my sobbing mother
“Whoa mom what’s wrong?” I said trying to calm my mother down
“y-your b-b-brother w-w-was in a-a c-car a-accident” my mom sobbed over the phone
“wait, wait which one mom you gotta be more specific” I said
“J-j-j-j…” was all my mom said before she broke down sobbing. My heart break because I knew that I only had one brother whose name starts with a J and that was Joe
“oh god” I said shutting my phone and started shaking
“Nicky baby what’s wrong” Mitchel asked me
“J-Joe was in a car accident” I stuttered out feeling the tears burst from my eyes
Mitchel held me while I cried before he suggested we head to the hospital

End Flashback

When we got there I found out that it was too late and that Joe had died on the way to the hospital and that there was nothing they could have done to bring him back. I broke down then and there on the swing, I sobbed my heart out until I though I heard Joe’s voice
“Nicky…”
God I must be hearing things
“Nicky” I heard it again I looked around but there was no one there I sighed and turned back around
“Nicky, turn around”  I turned around and almost screamed at what I saw. Standing behind me was Joe
“Joey?” I asked in a weak voice
“yeah Nicky it’s me”  Joe said giving me a sad smile
“how is this possible. Y-you’re dead” I said reaching out to touch him only to have my hand go right through him
“I’m just a spirit now Nick, I just came down here to talk to you”
“About what?” I asked wanting nothing more than to jump into Joe’s arms and tell him how sorry I was for everything that I did
“I want you to know that I accept the apology that I know you want to give me, I love you more than anything in the world” Joe said
“Knowing that you forgive me means the world to me” I said sending Joe the first genuine smile that I have given in weeks
“I know Nicky, I’ll be watching over you and Mitchel. I realize why you picked him, I can tell how much you love him. I’ll be watching you two through everything Nicky whenever you need me look up into the sky and call me and I’ll come” Joe said
“I love you Joey” I said
“I love you too Nicky” Joe said, I could see that he was fading Joe leaned forward and I swore I could feel Joe’s lips on mine
“You’ll be in my heart always” were the last words I heard before Joe had completely faded and I was once again alone in the park.
    I knew that someday I would see Joe again and that anytime I needed him I could look up to the sky and call his name then I could talk to him. Someday we would be together again and our love would be just as strong

Joe quietly snuck around the apartment he shared with his boyfriend/brother Nick. Joe smiled to himself Nick was going to love this anniversary surprise he has in store for him


I was awoken from my nice dream by my boyfriend's sweet voice in my ear
“Nicky time to wake up, I have a surprise for you” I opened my eyes and brought my hands up to wipe the sleep from them
“Morning Joey” I said sleepily yawning and stretching
“Morning baby” Joe said leaning over and giving me a kiss on the lips
“So what is this surprise you have for me?” I asked eying Joe with a curious look
“I made you breakfast in bed!” Joe said excitedly producing a tray from the desk we had in our bedroom. On the tray was a stack of 4 pancakes with butter and more than likely my sugar-free maple syrup there was also a HUGE glass of milk and a bowl of apples.
“Aw Joey you didn't have to do this for me” I said while taking a bite of the pancakes
“I wanted to, besides you know what today is don't you?” Joe asked excitedly
“The 1st of April?” I said, I knew that it was April Fool's Day and then suddenly it clicked today was our anniversary
“By the look on your face I’m going to guess you remember what today is”
“Our anniversary how could I forget?!” I said suddenly realizing that I had forgot and that I had no gift for Joe. I grabbed the glass of milk off the tray and started drinking out of it so Joe wouldn’t see my sad smile
“I know that trick Nick, you forgot didn’t you?” Joe said looking away from me
“Joey I’m sorry I completely spaced” I said trying really hard to show him how sorry I was
“It’s ok Nick-o I’m gonna go take a shower, finish your breakfast” Joe said getting up and heading to our shared bathroom grabbing some clothes along the away
“Joe…” was all I could get out before the bathroom door closed and I heard water running
‘God I’m an idiot’ I thought before sadly going back and eating the breakfast Joe had made me


‘I can’t believe he forgot our anniversary’ I thought letting out a silent sob while sitting on the floor of the shower the shower water was mixing with the tears that were falling from my face
“How could he forget our 5 year anniversary?” I whispered feeling the tears coming out of my eyes faster. I finally got tired of just sitting there feeling sorry for myself and finished taking my shower, when I got out of the shower and had dried off I put on the clothes that I had brought in with me and then started styling my hair, I decided that I wasn’t going to sit around all day and mope about how Nick forgot our anniversary, I was gonna go out and do something maybe just be by myself for a little bit. Might be nice I mean Nick has been kind of clingy lately. When I had finished styling my hair and finding my work satisfactory I walked out of the bathroom
    When I got into our room I saw Nick sitting still eating his breakfast surprise that I had made for him. I let out a shaky breath and walked over to the desk grabbing my wallet, keys, and cell phone
“I’m going out for a bit,” I said to Nick grabbing a jacket from our closet
“Joey I’m really sorry that I forgot” Nick said, I don’t know why but him saying that made me angry it also made me remember a night 3 weeks ago, a night I would never forget

Flashback

I laid in bed fighting to stay awake waiting for Nick to come home, I looked at the alarm clock on our bedside table saw that it was 3 A.M. and he still wasn’t home yet
‘Where could he be?’ I asked myself in my head. I suddenly heard the front door opening and Nick stumbling around in the living room. I heard a crash and I knew Nick had run into the front table and knocked off the glass dish that our mom had gotten us for a house-warming gift. I heard Nick coming towards the bedroom so I made it seem like I was asleep and had been for hours.
“Damnit stupid dish, why does it have to be in front room why couldn’t we put it where I wanted to put, somewhere where it wouldn’t get fucking broken” I heard Nick mumble as he moved around the room his words were slurred and I could tell that he was drunk
‘Damnit Nick you know you’re underage’ I thought. I heard Nick undressing and then I felt Nick turn me forcefully do that I was on my back, my eyes snapped open when I felt him sit on my waist
“Hey baby” Nick said I could smell the alcohol now more than ever
“Damn Nick what have you been drinking” I said moving my hand to cover my nose, but before I could Nick grabbed both my arms and pinned them above my head
“Nick what are you doing?” I asked feeling something wrap around my wrists, I looked up to see two of my ties tying my wrists together extra tight
“I feel like playing rough tonight and this time I’m topping” Nick said with a malicious smile
“Nick this isn’t like you, why are you doing this?” I asked tears coming to my eyes as I desperately tried to free my self
“This is me” he said getting close to my face our lips almost touching “deal with it” Nick said before crashing his lips on mine in a painful kiss. I felt Nick’s hands working my shorts off of me
‘I had to choose tonight to sleep without underwear’ I thought, as if reading my mind Nick said
“No underwear tonight, I like it!” Nick said getting off my legs and pulling off his only piece of clothing, his boxers.
“Are you ready baby?” Nick asked positioning himself at my entrance
“Nicky what about some lube” I said hoping for as little pain as possible
“How about not, I said rough and I meant rough” Nick said biting down hard on my shoulder causing me to scream before he roughly shoved his cock into me causing my floodgates to break
“Doesn’t that feel good” Nick said through a moan all while thrusting his cock in and out of my dry ass
“Nicky stop please it hurts!” I sobbed
“Good that means it’s rough, you shouldn’t beg it doesn’t suit you” Nick said thrusting in one more time before I felt him spill his seed into me. He collapsed beside me pulling his cock out of my ass and removing the ties from my wrists
“That’s a good boyfriend,” Nick said giving me another rough kiss before lying down and passing out from the alcohol. I scooted away from Nick shaking with tears I got up from the bed grabbing my shorts and putting them back on, I saw the ties that Nick had used lying on the floor just looking at them made me sick. I grabbed them off the floor and walked out into the kitchen grabbing a lighter from the kitchen drawer I held the ties over the garbage can and lit them on fire dropping them into the garbage just as the flames were about to touch my fingers.
    I slept on the couch that night.

End Flashback

“I just don’t understand Nick how you could forget” I said turning and looking at him with tears in my eyes
“I just did, ok Joe it was an accident. I don’t get why you’re getting all upset it’s one anniversary okay. It’s the first one I’ve forgotten! Geez you’re acting like a freaking 5 year old!” Nick yelled at me, the tears in my eyes threatened to fall when he said that
“YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I’M ACTING LIKE THIS, IT’S BECAUSE IT’S SPECIAL NICK, OR AT LEAST I THOUGHT IT WAS!” I yelled at him
“AGAIN Joe IT’S A FREAKING ANNIVERSARY AND AGAIN I’LL SAY THAT YOU’RE BEING STUPID!” Nick yelled back at me standing up off the bed spilling the tray that still had the breakfast on it all over the floor. All the hard work I did was gone spilled all over the floor
“Well if I’m so stupid maybe I should just leave” I said
“maybe you should”
“maybe we should see other people” I said
“Maybe I’m already seeing someone else” My eyes widened when Nick said that, I think Nick realized what he had said cause his eyes widened too.
“Is that where you were 3 weeks ago” I asked looking at Nick not trying to his the tears that were falling from my eyes
“3 weeks ago, what are you talking about?” Nick asked
“you don’t remember, oh wait of course you don’t you were too drunk!” I said angrily
“I have no idea what you’re talking about” Nick said
“You came home drunk 3 weeks ago and practically raped me Nick, no scratch that you did rape me. I was scared all to hell Nick” I said
“fine 3 weeks ago I was out with the guy I’ve been seeing”
“How long?” I asked not sure if I wanted to know the answer
“a year” Nick said with a sad sigh. My heart shattered a whole year I’ve been lied to by the man I thought loved me, it was all a lie
“I’m leaving” I said making sure I had everything I needed for now “I’ll be back tomorrow to pick up my stuff” I said making my way out the door to what could be called Nick’s room now, it would never be ours again. As I walked out the front door to the apartment we had shared for 2 years I felt my life fall around me, I felt alone and scared, I felt empty. I got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot I didn’t know where I was going and I wasn’t really paying attention, but maybe it I had I would have seen the car that was heading straight for me but I didn’t and my last thoughts before my soul left my body were
‘I’ll always love you Nicky’

The most valuable thing that was stolen from me was my gameboy color when I was at daycare when I was 10. I was at daycare and someone took it when I wasn't looking and then took it home with him. My daycare teacher then told all the parents that my gameboy was stolen and that it had my name on it. Well about a week after I lost it the kid who took it's mom came in when she was going to pick him up and brought my gameboy with her saying that she found it in her son Drew's room and that it had my name on it. My mom was soo mad at the kid and so was Drew's mom. She said that it wasn't the first time he had done something like that. I found out a week later that his mom sent him to Military School to help shape him up and teach him a lesson

TTFN,
Dreamer

My catch phrase is "Shut Up" I say it all the time and it bugs the crap out of people and makes them hella mad but I really don't care cause  they are just being dorks

TTFN,
Dreamer

The celebrity I would like to meet would be either Carrie Underwood or Joe Jonas. The question I would like to ask Carrie Underwood would be what her favorite songs off both her albums. And the question I would ask Joe Jonas would be where he would love to live someday when he is done being part of the Jonas Brothers

Ta Ta For Now,
Dreamer

My greatest accomplishment was this year when I got a B in math because I have never gotten a B in math

Ta Ta For Now,
Dreamer

My idea of a perfect world is where everyone gets along and there is peace all over the world, every one has equal money and no one is poor. There is no racism or sexism or any other kind of discrimination. I feel that our world it sooo strained between who we think is right and who we think is wrong. People care too much about the smallest of things, does it really matter if the persons Gay or a Lesbian, does it really matter if they're Asian or Black. Why do people care so much, just because they are a little different, it unfair and unjust.

Ta Ta For Now,
Dreamer

Hey Everybody,
    My favorite memory was when I went to Ocean Shores for the first time when I was about 9 with my mom and two cousins along with their parents. That was the year that I got my GameBoy Color and then later I gave it away to a friend who had never had a videogame in her life

Ta Ta For Now,
Dreamer

"If one of these is a pom pom, does that make two a pom pom pom pom" - Lilly Truscott (Hannah Montana)
I love this quote because everytime I hear it it makes me laugh my ass off

Ta Ta For Now,
Dreamer

Hey Everyone,
    I am like hella bored cause there is no school today, I slept in till 10 and now I can't figure out what to do

Ta Ta For Now,
Dreamer

P.S. SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!

The thing that makes me feel powerful is when I can overpower people, when I can make myself become the bigger person. I can pretty much beat anyone in a fight, I even put someone in a cast once when I was fighting them of course I said that I was sorry but still the person was hurt and that kinda lowered my powerful feeling but then again it wasn't like I didn't warn them that I was going to win and that they might get hurt

Ta Ta For Now,
Dreamer =D

One part of my personality that could use a little bit of work is my bossy attitude, I tend to be REALLY bossy which will eventually be my downfall, well that and other things....